A few months ago, I was assisting a yoga teacher training, when a topic came up that was on everyone’s minds— that, until that moment, no one had really been brave enough to bring up – the Israeli-Palestinian conflict – the senseless violence and suffering happening half a world away.
One student in particular courageously challenged us all to consider what we were contributing. She asked thoughtful and important questions that initiated a moment of pause and reflection for all of us.
“How can we sit here and act like everything is okay, when innocent people are needlessly dying?”
“How can we be so frivolous? So irresponsible?”
“How is yoga supposed to fix this?”
Tears fell from her eyes—just as they had fallen from mine a few weeks earlier from the outrage and helplessness I felt to stop it.
She made a good point—one that was difficult to respond to.
I think of teaching yoga as being the most important work that I do, but what good are poses and meditation when there is so much suffering in the world?
As I pondered on the answer to her question, I was reminded of a moment of insight I had four years ago, only a few years into my yoga practice.
I was lying in savasana, the final pose at the end of a typical yoga practice, and attempting to meditate. I focused my mind on the sounds of the music coming from my iPad, trying to allow all other distractions to melt away, when a thought came to my mind about someone I didn’t like very much.
“She is just so…. this, and unbelievably…. that, and why was she so popular? And pretty? And confident? And why did everyone like her so much?”
And then, the unkind narrative I was playing out ended somewhat abruptly as a new, unsettling thought took residence in my mind.
“Wait…..Am I jealous?
And further, do I even really dislike her?
Or is it…
Could it possibly be…
That I don’t like myself?”
At that moment, I understood. Still, I hesitated to accept the truth of my realization—that I had ruined any potential for real friendship with this person out of my own insecurities— and that I had probably done the same thing hundreds of times before.
How long had I been doing this? How many other people had I mistreated, brushed aside, or judged because of my own insecurities? How long had my unaddressed shame been contributing to the suffering of myself and others?
Soon, I saw the same pattern in action everywhere. Pushing people away, treading lightly around them, not revealing my authentic self—believing that they were annoyed with me or that they didn’t like me. Believing that the feelings I was having were their fault—never realizing that these feelings were entirely my own, and most of the time, actually had nothing to do with them.
I know now that I was “projecting.” It was a term I had heard before, but never fully understood, and one that I was once certain I had no problem with. The reality was that this was a defense my ego had constructed to shelter myself from my own negative feelings. A wall I had built up to be so strong and so tall, that even I couldn’t remember what was behind it. A wall that yoga cracked a big enough hole in that I could finally start to tear it down.
In the Yogic and Buddhist traditions, my ego manifestation would be known as a form of “dukkha” also translated to mean “suffering.” This is the idea that the ego is the source of all suffering. It is that which separates us from the divinity that is inherent not only to ourselves but to everything in existence. This belief that we are separate causes us to unconsciously participate in and contribute to suffering within ourselves and suffering within others.
It's a common misconception that yoga is practiced only to relax and feel good in one's body. What many people don't realize is that traditionally, the yogic path is a path of self-remembering, of remembering this divine whole to which we belong. It is a path that asks us to utilize both physical and spiritual means (e.g.: poses, meditation and more) to engage in self-inquiry and build awareness of those egoic patterns of thought and behavior that make us forget the goodness that is inherent in all of us.
In this moment of meditative awareness, I recognized the true power of this practice. Yoga had allowed me to see my own dukkha (ego) in action. Exposing me not only to my own pain, but also, the way in which my blindness to it was harming the people in my life.
Thanks to this moment of awareness, now each time I see myself making others responsible for my own insecurities, I can take a breath and remind myself that my feelings are my own, and I don’t have to punish or alienate others in attempts to feel better about myself—a change I can say with certainty has significantly improved my life in countless ways.
With that awareness, I was able to start choosing differently.
With that awareness, I was able to interrupt a cycle of suffering that I had been unknowingly feeding into for years.
Of course you’re likely thinking “well, Emilie, that’s all well and good, but war is different from taking your insecurities out on others.” To which I would respond…. is it actually that different?
Is war not also a product of fear? Of wanting to maintain power over yourself and others? Of believing that someone else is to blame for your suffering? Of being so deeply rooted in one’s ego that you cannot see the true extent of the harm you are causing?
This is not to say that others are always blameless when it comes our suffering, or that we should do nothing when someone attacks us or crosses our boundaries, but it is to say that more than likely, whatever pain they are inflicting is coming from a place of unconscious egoic defenses within themselves.
And as long as we’re asleep to our ego, and asleep to our pain, it will continue to control us rather than the other way around. We’ll continue to perpetuate our own suffering and the suffering of others.
Now, maybe we don’t all have a problem with projection—but we all have something. We all have wounds we’re trying to protect, we all have behaviors we engage in unconsciously. And if we’re serious about putting an end to suffering, this is where we have to start.
And this brings me back to the question that was originally posed:
“How is yoga supposed to fix this?”
In truth, yoga alone cannot fix this.
We have to be willing participants in the deep self-reflection and healing that yoga offers.
So, while we cannot force world leaders, or our enemies, or those who have wronged us, or even our friends and families to face themselves or the pain that drives their actions, we can offer the tools of yoga and mindfulness to anyone that is willing. We can be an example of the power those tools have to transform our hearts and minds.
We can demonstrate how with this awareness, we’re able to break out of our unconscious patterns of behavior, and choose for ourselves, rather than having our ego choose for us.
We can interrupt our own cycles of suffering.
As Chinese philosopher and father of Taoism, Lao Tzu so wisely states,
“If there is to be peace in the world,
There must be peace in the nations.
If there is to be peace in the nations,
There must be peace in the cities.
If there is to be peace in the cities,
There must be peace between neighbors.
If there is to be peace between neighbors,
There must be peace in the home.
If there is to be peace in the home,
There must be peace in the heart.”
World peace will continue to be a distant dream if we’re unwilling to look at the pain within our own hearts. This is why I believe wholeheartedly and without hesitation that self-awareness is the greatest weapon we have in our arsenal to put an end to suffering in the world.
And while yoga may not solve this crisis, it’s certainly the most effective tool I can think of to aid ourselves and others through the process of looking within and healing these hurts that prevent us from living life with more compassion and presence. Through the practice of yoga, we can build this awareness. And if one day, enough of us can find peace in our own hearts, then maybe, just maybe, there will be a little more peace in the world.
Emilie is a 500-hr certified yoga and mindfulness teacher. She offers workshops on meditation, self-compassion and self-inquiry. She is currently a YTT (yoga teacher training) facilitator in training with Breath Body Earth Yoga School. Please subscribe using the subscribe form at the bottom of the home page to stay updated on new offerings and blog posts.
I am, once again very impressed with you and your mind. Incidentally, Freud, Rogers, and Pearls would be proud of you. Along with your yoga therapy you might like to try being a traditional therapist. You have the gift. Thanks for sharing. Stan